I wanted to be “her” for such a long time. That girl who had her life all figured out. She always knew what she wanted to do, when, why, where, and even how she was going to do it. That “girl” varied from person to person for a long while in my life but eventually, she became me. Turns out, “she” was more a figment of my imagination which I wrapped others up in.
My younger years…
When I was younger I always admired the girls in school who had the best clothes, the brightest smiles, the tightest friends, and what appeared to me as a great family life.
There was this one girl in my elementary school years who always got on the bus smelling like pancakes and bacon. She had a nice house, from what I could see from the bus window, and she was cheerful. I often thought that if I could be her I would be happy. I never really got to know her and I don’t even remember her name.
There was another girl in high school who was a cheerleader. She was pretty, smart and she had tons of friends. Her boyfriend was on the football team. I don’t know where she lived but I always assumed that she had a nice house and a great family because she was always happy.
When I finally looked in the mirror…
During my military years, I started to become a me that I could be proud of. I started to enjoy my life. I was proud of what I was accomplishing and I was the girl that I wanted to be.
After that, I met the man of my prayers. We had a beautiful baby girl. We were blessed and I was happy. I was a manager at a restaurant. I had a nice car. I had a nice house. We even smelled like pancakes often enough. We prayed every time we sat down to eat together. I was happy!
My slip up…
Then, something unexpected happened. I became complacent and unhappy once again after years of happiness with a family that God gave me. I was still happy with my family but (why the but?) I felt stagnant. So… I looked for “her” and found “her” once again.
This woman had it all! She had a beautiful house, it was bigger and prettier than mine. She was a more successful manager than I was. She had confidence and she didn’t let the little things bother her. She was better at balancing her work/life than I was. She had two kids instead of one. She was fit and fierce and I was… jealous! I wanted to be her! I thought if I could be her I would be happy.
I prayed. God reminded me that I was me. I would never be “her” or any other “her” so I would have to find my own happiness once again.
So, I prayed for help and guidance. I was reminded of a dream that my husband and I have always shared. You see, we have always wanted to come to Romania, ever since we met. When we got married we honeymooned here and we fell in love with his hometown and we thought and prayed often to come to live here one day.
Awareness of my tendency to envy will help me to stay away from it…
That day came and past. We did it! We moved from Florida 🌴 to 🇷🇴 România! We moved across the world and made a better life for ourselves. Now, once again, I am the girl that I have always wanted to be. The one who didn’t stop and settle for a life that was not exactly what I wanted for myself.
Now I hope to pay it forward by sharing my story…
I started this blog to help others so I hope to help someone with this message today. Be happy with who you are! This lesson took me a while to learn but I finally got it and I am teaching it to my little one.
Here are some verses which can help us “loose envy”:
James 3:14 – But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth.
James 3:15 – This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish.
James 3:16 – For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.
Will there ever be “that girl” again? Yes, there will be! But I hope and pray to face “her” with admiration and God’s love instead of envy.
In this case, I can be a “smart man” going forward. If you have faced this you can be a “smart man” too. If you have not faced this then you can be a “wise man” and learn from me. 😉
A smart man makes a mistake, learns from it, and never makes that mistake again. But a wise man finds a smart man and learns from him how to avoid the mistake altogether.
Roy H. Williams
Be happy with what you have. God blesses us further when we are truly thankful for what He has given us. Spend less time looking at what others have and use your time to be thankful and bless someone else. Helping another person instead of feeling sorry for yourself with envy is time well spent!
Thank you for taking the time to read this post today. If you are new here, and you enjoyed this bit of what I hope to be an inspiration, please subscribe and join us on Mondays for more nuggets of hope.
I hope that you all have a wonderful week!